3 Reasons Why Men Struggle in Relationships
God made man for relationships. One of the first observations about Adam in Genesis is that God saw that it was not good for man to be alone. So he made the woman – man’s perfect complement. It was God’s desire that one man and one woman live together in a marriage filled with love, commitment, companionship, sacrifice, and hope.
Why is it, then, that relationships are so complicated? The easy answer is that they involve people and people are fallible, weak creatures – immature and in need of experience and sometimes even struggles in order to mature and grow. A more complex answer is that even though men and women were created by God to help each other they are in many ways entirely different. Men are less emotional and more rational. Women intertwine their feelings with all of life’s processes while men compartmentalize. Women are good with commitment and men tend to shy away from it. Men are more prone to move on from a wrong suffered whereas women may be emotionally affected by wounds for a longer period of time.
Men need women for caring and compassion and nurturing. Women need men for protection and security and support. While men tend to be very capable at work, solving problems, fixing things that are broken, and generally laboring and directing and serving in physical ways, they struggle in relationships. There are 3 basic reasons why.
1. Men get easily distracted. There is something about men that causes them to want to live as nomads. Men have a hard time nesting and settling down. God made men with a natural inclination to be outside the home working and providing. This also makes men desirous of hobbies and other excursions that take them away from the time and energy that are necessary for healthy relationships. When there are enjoyable alternatives to relationships men will often entertain them. And since they are not in need of as much emotional support, they can often find fulfillment in things that are more physical in nature.
2. Men struggle with satisfaction. Unfortunately, we live in a world that emphasizes experiences that are mostly carnal in nature. In Hebrews, we read of Moses, who chose to be with God’s people over the passing pleasures of sin. Sin feels good to the flesh. If it didn’t it would not be so alluring. Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of stew. David lied and murdered and committed adultery, all for a woman he saw bathing. Men tend not to think past the moment of satisfaction. Who has the burden of looking attractive? – it’s the women for the men. Our culture has taught men to not be satisfied with women unless they look like the models on the front of magazines. This causes both genders to deal with unrealistic expectations. And men, who are already more carnal then women in their very makeup, are going to fail in any relationship that is not built on more lasting things then momentary pleasure.
3. Men are not good with emotional investments. We can save money for a car or a gun we want to buy, but, as a whole, men struggle with investing in the emotional needs of women. Therefore men don’t often share their part of the emotional workload. They are ready for physical intimacy but they are not very ready for meaningful conversation. Women usually feel disenfranchised in relationships because they feel like their opinions are not important or that they are not understood. Ask a man to fix a faucet or an oil leak and he is quickly happy to do so. Ask him to listen to a problem his wife is having with one of her girlfriends and he is quickly happy to watch the football game. Men desperately need to see that the best investments are not in retirement portfolios but rather the hearts and minds of their wives. When a man is unwilling to talk and share and think and dream with the woman he loves, he is missing out on the best part of what she has to offer.
Men and women are just different. God made us that way. The struggle is real. But it doesn’t mean that we can’t be better. It doesn’t mean that it is impossible for us to understand.
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife…” 1 Pet. 3:7
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