Today’s post is blunt. Very blunt. But it comes from a heart that wants men to be true men of God. I am in the midst of reading Steve Farrar’s excellent book Point Man as part of my mentoring group requirement for this month. It is a book I have read before, but I feel every man–especially married man–needs to read. To say Farrar is to the point would be an understatement, but he states exactly what men need to hear.
Recently, as I was reading, I came to chapter three, which is entitled “Real Men Don’t.” The crux of that chapter led me to think of this post, and my desire is simply to be as blunt as Farrar is, but in fewer words. You could say that “idea credit” goes to him, but I pray my additional thoughts are helpful and straightforward.
The point of the chapter is this: Real men don’t commit adultery (page 56).
Wow…how’s that for a hard-hitting sentence on a blog that is usually so encouraging? But this is a subject that needs to be addressed, because I am fearful that some of the men reading these words are already walking down the path toward that horrible sin.
Even more tragic? Some of them don’t even know it.
Or, maybe, they just aren’t willing to admit it.
Since ours is a fairly small site (as far as readership goes), I think I have a fairly decent grasp on who is reading these words. Of the male readers, many are in ministry, and I would dare say that 80% or more (and maybe far more) of our readers worship regularly. It is easy to state that the vast majority of the readers of this site are Christians, and a large number are leaders in the Christian community.
Gentlemen, some of us need to lead our private lives as well as we are leading our public lives.
Some of you preach on Sunday about home and family and marriage and grace and forgiveness and agape love, and then you are chatting online with an old flame from high school. Others are leading singing or teaching Bible classes and then feeling a strong emotional attachment to the new coworker down the hall. Some are singing “God Give Us Christian Homes” on Sunday night, and then spending extra hours at the office to make sure the “adorable” lady in the next cubicle sees you. Some are dressing up for a lunch outing with the crew from work because “she” will be there, and dressing down when it’s date night with your wife.
Men, you are headed toward adultery. It is as simple as that.
Don’t believe me? Then will you believe the Lord God?
The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet,
her soft words are oh so smooth.
But it won’t be long before she’s gravel in your mouth,
a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart.
She’s dancing down the primrose path to Death;
she’s headed straight for Hell and taking you with her. (Proverbs 5:3-5, The Message)
The wise response to this type of woman is given just a few verses later. “Keep your way far from her” (Proverbs 5:8, ESV). That’s straightforward advice, but it will stop the walk down the path of destruction.
“But,” someone might be thinking, “This woman makes me feel good, and things aren’t so great at the house right now.” One of the parts of Farrar’s chapter really caught my eye. He wrote about how affairs seem to be a “way out” or an “escape,” but they never are. Read these words very prayerfully:
The problem is simply this: When you leave your wife to commit adultery with another woman, you take yourself with you. And you are your biggest problem. I am my biggest problem, and you are yours. You are walking into this new relationship with the same personality, strengths, and weaknesses you have in your current marriage. And if you can’t work things out with your current wife, what makes you think it will be any different with another woman? You are a major part of the problem, and unfortunately, you must take yourself along with you. (pages 66-67, emphasis added)
Men, that should cause every one of us to shudder in fear over any steps we might have taken toward another woman, whether those steps are physical or digital. You are the problem.
You may be struggling at home. Guess what? Every man who has ever been married has struggled at home! Intimacy may be lacking, or virtually non-existent. Your wife may have a sickness or disease that has left her physically tired or emotionally off-kilter at times. Bills, disruptive children, or a myriad of other things may make going home more stressful than being at work.
No one ever said it would be easy.
And that’s why I am challenging you today. You see, it takes a real man to not only stay, but stay and serve. It takes a real man to avoid the easy way out or the cheap thrill. It takes a real man to run away from temptation and serve his wife, no matter if he feels like serving or not.
If there is another woman you have felt attracted to, it’s time for you to be a real man by God’s standards. Society says that you getting in bed with her makes you a real man. The Lord says that saying “no” and being a caring, strong, supportive, loving, and Scripturally-grounded husband is being a real man.
Husbands, it’s time to be a real man.
QUESTION: What is your reaction to this blunt and serious post? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Photo credit: Andy Bullock on Creative Commons
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