So, you’ve been asked to head up Vacation Bible School. You didn’t really want the position, but you were the closest warm body when the elders decided to have VBS again this year, so you got put on the spot and asked to be in charge.
Now, you know that VBS is important, but you aren’t all that thrilled about being in charge. So, you are looking for some ways to make sure that this year’s Vacation Bible School is the worst ever. You know that, should you make it a failure, you’ll never be asked to head it up again.
How can you be sure your VBS is a failure? Follow these 5 simple steps.
1. Don’t Worry about Creativity. If you have anyone with artistic, technical, or “craft” talent in the congregation, make sure you don’t ask them to help. They might make things look beautiful and colorful, and it might cause the children to want to come back. Be sure these people have nothing to do with designing flyers (see #4) or skits. Make everything predictable and stilted. The best thing you can do is make smudged Xerox copies of everything–flyers, handouts, craft sheets, etc., and use nothing but words on everything. No cute pictures allowed!
2. Just Have VBS because You’ve Always Had It. After all, isn’t that why you got asked to head it up? Do not worry about evaluation or improvement. Since Vacation Bible School has been on the church calendar for 48 years, we have to make it 49. Treat it that way, like it’s a “have to.” That attitude will permeate the whole place, and you’ll be sure to sour everyone’s mood about this event.
3. Wait Until the Last Minute to Plan. If you want a VBS that isn’t good, don’t spend a lot of time on planning. The more you plan, the better it will be, and that’s what we are trying to avoid. By planning less, you will squelch any time to think of creative things, and you will also be certain that lots of details are just overlooked and messed up. Perfect!
4. Assume People Know about It. If attendance is good, the congregation will want you to head up VBS again next year. The best way to make sure that doesn’t happen is to just act like everyone knows about VBS. If you must make advertisements, make them unclear. But speak about Vacation Bible School very little from the pulpit, and use as few methods of informing people as possible. After all, it’s been on the 2nd week of July for the last 26 years. Shouldn’t everyone just know that’s when it will be again? This is a great attitude for the leader to have!
5. Never Thank Anyone. Even though you may not want VBS to succeed, lots of people do work hard. They teach. They make cookies. They go against your wishes and make things cute and creative. Be sure to avoid thanking them. Your admiration might cause them to want to do this again. Instead, when VBS is over, just move on as if it never happened.
…after all, sometime around late May next year, you’ll be asked to throw this thing together again.
…because we’ve always had VBS, so we have to have it again.
[NOTE: If you don't catch the dripping sarcasm in this post, I'm sorry. I love VBS, and I am honored to serve as the "point guy" for our Vacation Bible School at Lebanon Road. This post is meant to be satirical in every way, and is designed to make us all think about events, like VBS, that we can hold just out of habit.]
Picture background credit: Hobvias Sudoneighm on Creative Commons